Elder Care: Tips for Discussing Estate and Health Plans with Your Parents

Which do you think is harder: talking with your aging parents about (1) money and estate planning, OR (2) their future (or imminent) health care needs and desires? In my experience with clients and friends, it’s typically the latter.

No one wants to think about waning independence, unexpected health events, or the impact of those on family finances or community support. But waiting to cross that bridge until you get there can often be more painful than having the discussions in advance.

Why It’s Imperative to Discuss Elder Care for Your Family Before It’s Necessary

Nearly 70% of the clients I serve are ages 35-55 – the “sandwich generation,” with kids who are young and parents who are of an advanced age. Time is limited. Raising young people while also juggling a career and nurturing relationships is a hard, full-time job.

Additionally, finances are committed. Children become a significant focus with daycare, private school, camps, travel sports, college tuition, … not to mention club memberships, home renovations, home upsizing, and family travel – all while saving and investing to be able to slow down at some point.

Some of our clients will be relied upon for their parents’ care, financially and logistically – whether they know it or not. Asking questions early allows for realistic planning discussions, for the parents and children.

Tips for Navigating Estate and Health Plans with Your Parents

Jennifer Szakaly, Founder & CEO of care managers Caregiving Corner, and Nicki Engel, elder and special needs law attorney and Partner in Johnston, Allison & Hord, P.A., recently participated in a helpful panel discussion about Elder Care at Queens University of Charlotte, and my big takeaways were:

• “Aging in place” is very expensive: more and more of our parents express wanting to stay at home as opposed to entering a care facility. The cost for this (effectively one-on-one care) is very high, and is likely to grow.
• Have a Plan B: with more aging people and a shortage of caregivers, the options that are available today may not be in five, ten, or 20+ years. A care facility may be the only option, and affordability may come into question.
• Plan in advance: estate and incapacity documents need to be in order and updated regularly as people age. Affordability and insurance needs should be part of the conversation. Have a professional team in place – you don’t want to be scrambling in an emergency; that makes a stressful situation worse.
• Transparency can reduce conflict: children (all of them) should be made aware of their parents’ plans and wishes. They should hear it all together, at once, so the parents can explain and answer questions, and needs and gaps can be addressed. We are hosting more and more Multigenerational Family Meetings at Verum Partners – a great thing, in our experience.
• Ask for help: care managers, attorneys, and financial advisers can help facilitate conversations. Third parties can bring in unbiased facts to help a family reach a realistic plan.

So many families are navigating these challenges, and more will join them as the Baby Boomer generation continues to age. No one can be certain of the future, but conversations (early and often) can help make a hard season a bit more manageable.

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